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Showing posts with label Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Show all posts

Monday, March 23, 2015

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Indianapolis Rememberance Photography

Almost 7 years ago, we lost a baby to miscarriage, and being that it was our first, we of course took it pretty hard.  Our wedding photographer contacted me shortly after we lost sweet Therese Marie, and told me about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. (NILMDTS)  I immediately checked out their website and knew I wanted to be involved!

NILMDTS is a non-profit organization started in Colorado, by photographer Sandy Puc and a mom, Cheryl, who had just lost her son.  Sandy took beautiful images of Cheryl's son after he unexpectedly passed away shortly after birth and a beautiful organization was born out of her experience.

Remembrance photographer not only gives reality to parents in the midst of their pain and shock of losing a child, but it is also a huge part of their healing process as they grieve the loss of their precious child.  Volunteer photographers go into hospitals, free of charge and take professional portraits of a baby who was either still born,  being taken off life support, or not expected to live very long.   The families receive a disc of all the images to use, print and share, again free of charge.

I am beyond honored to be a photographer for this amazing organization.  People often ask me how and I why I do it.  My first answer is I do it because it is a way for me to honor our daughter that we lost.  We lost her so early in the pregnancy that we of course didn't have any pictures of her, so I want to be able to give to families what we couldn't have.  How do I do it?   I know that my daughter is in Heaven praying for me to have the strength to get through every session.  I love on that baby, as the precious gift that they are.  Even though they are only on this earth for a short time, they are still the beloved daughters and sons of their parents.  I am so grateful to be able to give them professional photographs to hang in their home of their child, just like they would of any other children. Or at least to have them to look at when they want, even if they don't choose to display them on the wall.

Several years ago, as I was editing one of the sessions, God gave me a beautiful realization.  These children that I get to photograph, will KNOW me when I get to Heaven! I got so excited to know that I will meet them in a whole new way someday!

It is such a privilege to get to meet some of these precious ones that are only here for sometimes just moments.  An honor that sometimes not all family members even get. 

This recent session was especially important to me.  I met Stephanie and Adam a few years ago when my husband and I were coordinating one of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University Classes at our church.  I immediately connected with Stephanie as our youngest children were about the same age, so as tired, new moms again, we understood each other very well!  =)

A few months ago I was excited to see that she posted on Facebook that she was expecting identical twin  girls. I was really excited for them, because I have always wanted identical twins!

I followed her pregnancy, joy and anticipation as she waited for her girls to arrive.  I prayed and hoped with her, as the health of one of the girls, Laynie, was not doing so well. The doctors decided to do a c-section at 27 weeks because Laynie's cord was not looking good. After they were born, everyone was still hopeful and I prayed daily for Laynie to get stronger and for the wisdom of the doctors.  I knew it was possible that Laynie may not make it, yet I continued to pray. I didn't want to tell Stephanie about NILMDTS because I didn't even want that to have to be a possibility for her, but  I kept a close watch for the requests that come in for NILMDTS sessions.   As I was picking my son up from school on a Wednesday afternoon, I got the text message for a session request for a twin baby girl being removed from life-support.  My heart sank, as I of course, assumed the worst.  I confirmed with our dispatch of the family  name, and immediately responded that I would take the session.  I wanted Stephanie and Adam to have a familiar face as they went through this difficult and painful time.

Stephanie had no idea that I was a photographer for NILMDTS, so when I walked in the room, we just embraced and cried together. I was so grateful that I was able to be their photographer.  Sweet Laynie, the fighter that she was, although had been removed from life support for about 30 minutes when I had arrived, was still alive through out our whole session.  Her heart kept on ticking!  She had such the sweetest features and LONG feet! I loved it! Daddy was holding on tight to his little girl and I loved capturing that love that I was able to witness.

The reason I wanted to take so much time to write this post, is because I want more people to know that this organization exists.  It breaks my heart when I hear that someone lost a child and was never offered the services of NILMDTS.  Please, although sometimes difficult, share this organization with families that you know who are in need. 

Laynie's twin sister, Lorelai is doing awesome and getting stronger everyday. Stephanie told me that night, that they believe Laynie's purpose in life was to get her sister here safe and sound.  Mission accomplished!  Now they have a saint in Heaven praying for their family everyday!




This is Lorelai. The nurse took off her C-PAP machine when I came over with the camera so I could snap a few pictures.

She was clearly posing for her first professional photoshoot!


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Crumbs on the floor bring me to prayer

I spent the good part of the afternoon yesterday cleaning the kitchen while my two boys napped. Gave the counters a good wipe down and even swept the floor. Which this task has become even more important lately as now my 7 month old is mobile and will often crawl his way to the kitchen. So, as we were eating dinner last night, my two year old, being the parrot that 2 year olds are, was doing as daddy did and was crushing his crackers with his hands to put them in his soup. (Note Jacob had no soup, but he was imitating Daddy.) As I was cleaning up after dinner, I found the pile of cracker crumbs on the floor from Jacob's demonstration and was frustrated, because I JUST SWEPT the floor...(moms, you understand, right?! ) But, then I quickly stopped myself....I get to clean the crumbs off the floor because I have a son and he is here!

God has recently placed two very special families in my life...and we all have something in common....we all have two boys...we all have lost a child...the difference is...their youngest boys, Christian and Logan, are in heaven and mine is still on earth.

I have written before about the organization that I volunteer for called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (also know as NILMDTS). It is an organization that does remembrance photography for families who have lost or will lose a child to illness or stillborn. I got involved after we lost our daughter Therese Marie to a miscarriage and wanted to be able to honor her through this ministry. I have only done two sessions on my own so far, and it is amazing how God has orchestrated them so perfectly. I am so honored that families would invite a stranger into such intimate moments with their family, and I am so grateful that we are able to provide them with the gift of images of their child to have forever.

I have connected with both of the moms from the sessions that I have done, and am honored to call them friends now and I hope they could feel the same way. My heart aches for them as I rock my son to sleep knowing they long to have their child fall asleep in their arms. I pray for their little ones as I hold my crying baby, because I know they would give anything to hold their son one more time. I know God gives them special graces to get through each day, but that doesn't make them miss their child any less.

Brian and I went to the funeral for little Logan this past weekend and I cried with them feeling just a sliver of their pain. I couldn't wait to get home and hold my boys...and I cried more knowing that Jennifer will longingly wait to hold her son in Heaven.

I know I can't take away their pain...but I want to thank them for sharing their life, and their son's with me so that I can appreciate my children more and more each day. It is such a reminder that we all need...life is short....cherish every moment. Life is too short to get caught up in the frustrating details....instead count your blessings!

So, Erin and Jennifer I count you as blessings...it was your sons and my daughter that brought us together...and as we know we would do anything to bring those children back to our arms on this earth, we rejoice in the hope that God gives us that we will see and hold them again and thank God for bringing good out of all situations. It brings me joy to think that they are all playing together in heaven as Chase, Landon and Jacob play together here.

Know that I think of you and pray for you as I clean up the crumbs on the floor!