Life's Lens: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Indianapolis Rememberance Photography

Almost 7 years ago, we lost a baby to miscarriage, and being that it was our first, we of course took it pretty hard. Our wedding photographer contacted me shortly after we lost sweet Therese Marie, and told me about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. (NILMDTS) I immediately checked out their website and knew I wanted to be involved!

NILMDTS is a non-profit organization started in Colorado, by photographer Sandy Puc and a mom, Cheryl, who had just lost her son. Sandy took beautiful images of Cheryl's son after he unexpectedly passed away shortly after birth and a beautiful organization was born out of her experience.

Remembrance photographer not only gives reality to parents in the midst of their pain and shock of losing a child, but it is also a huge part of their healing process as they grieve the loss of their precious child. Volunteer photographers go into hospitals, free of charge and take professional portraits of a baby who was either still born, being taken off life support, or not expected to live very long.   The families receive a disc of all the images to use, print and share, again free of charge.

I am beyond honored to be a photographer for this amazing organization. People often ask me how and I why I do it. My first answer is I do it because it is a way for me to honor our daughter that we lost. We lost her so early in the pregnancy that we of course didn't have any pictures of her, so I want to be able to give to families what we couldn't have. How do I do it?   I know that my daughter is in Heaven praying for me to have the strength to get through every session. I love on that baby, as the precious gift that they are. Even though they are only on this earth for a short time, they are still the beloved daughters and sons of their parents. I am so grateful to be able to give them professional photographs to hang in their home of their child, just like they would of any other children. Or at least to have them to look at when they want, even if they don't choose to display them on the wall.

Several years ago, as I was editing one of the sessions, God gave me a beautiful realization. These children that I get to photograph, will KNOW me when I get to Heaven! I got so excited to know that I will meet them in a whole new way someday!

It is such a privilege to get to meet some of these precious ones that are only here for sometimes just moments. An honor that sometimes not all family members even get.

This recent session was especially important to me. I met Stephanie and Adam a few years ago when my husband and I were coordinating one of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University Classes at our church. I immediately connected with Stephanie as our youngest children were about the same age, so as tired, new moms again, we understood each other very well! =)

A few months ago I was excited to see that she posted on Facebook that she was expecting identical twin girls. I was really excited for them, because I have always wanted identical twins!

I followed her pregnancy, joy and anticipation as she waited for her girls to arrive. I prayed and hoped with her, as the health of one of the girls, Laynie, was not doing so well. The doctors decided to do a c-section at 27 weeks because Laynie's cord was not looking good. After they were born, everyone was still hopeful and I prayed daily for Laynie to get stronger and for the wisdom of the doctors. I knew it was possible that Laynie may not make it, yet I continued to pray. I didn't want to tell Stephanie about NILMDTS because I didn't even want that to have to be a possibility for her, but I kept a close watch for the requests that come in for NILMDTS sessions.   As I was picking my son up from school on a Wednesday afternoon, I got the text message for a session request for a twin baby girl being removed from life-support. My heart sank, as I of course, assumed the worst. I confirmed with our dispatch of the family name, and immediately responded that I would take the session. I wanted Stephanie and Adam to have a familiar face as they went through this difficult and painful time.

Stephanie had no idea that I was a photographer for NILMDTS, so when I walked in the room, we just embraced and cried together. I was so grateful that I was able to be their photographer. Sweet Laynie, the fighter that she was, although had been removed from life support for about 30 minutes when I had arrived, was still alive through out our whole session. Her heart kept on ticking! She had such the sweetest features and LONG feet! I loved it! Daddy was holding on tight to his little girl and I loved capturing that love that I was able to witness.

The reason I wanted to take so much time to write this post, is because I want more people to know that this organization exists. It breaks my heart when I hear that someone lost a child and was never offered the services of NILMDTS. Please, although sometimes difficult, share this organization with families that you know who are in need.

Laynie's twin sister, Lorelai is doing awesome and getting stronger everyday. Stephanie told me that night, that they believe Laynie's purpose in life was to get her sister here safe and sound. Mission accomplished! Now they have a saint in Heaven praying for their family everyday!